The minute I’m fucking pissed.

I got a lovely email. :)

And there you go, I’m a happy puppy.

The minute I’m fucking contented.

I got a pile of bullshit from some people whom I swear don’t fucking matters – which makes it even worse.

And there you go, I’m an active volcano, anticipating my next eruption.

I didn’t have the chance to be genuinely happy.

And I didn’t have the chance to be genuinely upset.

But like in most fairy tales, good wins evil.

So I am smiling writing this.

Idiosyncrasies – that I will never get.

Asking "Boleh?" after certain statements, that completely do not need any validation / agreement. It's even worse when I translate it into English.

"Today was a long day, I started work at 830am and now it's almost seven I am still in the office. OK?"

Like… whaaaaat to fricking OK about?

When people wink on occasion that suppose to make me feel better.

"Hey, you look so stress today. But don't be!" *wink

Wtf?

And some just find it amusing to mock fags' intonation, words, body language… it's even worse when the guys are doing it.

Whatever. Don't even let me start on this one.

//Shoving a handful of M&M's  into the mouth. HAPPY FOOD!! HAPPY FOOD!!

and that means, alot of things. Now that I remember the feeling, it's sad.

p.s. Ain, the handwriting will only gets worse. haha

I watched the movie; This Is It today. And I think I was the only one that would wanna give a standing ovation after the movie.

Just by watching the rehearsal and the footage made me wanna scream out loud and cheering and clapping and jumping... grooving to the beat. Can't imagine what the full concert would do to me. Had to hold myself together to not to freak out and cried - haha Intan would know!

It's too inspiring. And it's too regretful that I didn't get to watch it, live.

He really is a legend. :)

A question that every now and then comes to me lately is "What's extraordinary / unusual about you?"

And sadly, I couldn't answer it. I couldn't even remember what kinda crap I pulled the last time I COULD answer it - which must be a long, long, long time ago. I end up skipping the question or just delete it.

What's so special about us? If you really think about it. We, simply, aren't.

Nope, I am not inspired to be a thief though.

The notes are getting more personal as the trip went on. I tried to find "publish-able" parts... that's when I noticed, I am a private person after all.

Earlier this evening, I have this one thought;

"I'd better go back home (and have a good rest, as tomorrow is gonna be another long day) rather than hanging out with him."

And I obey it.

Omg.

I can feel my social life is "fading", bit by bit.

This really freaks me out.

p.s. Careful with what you say (esp when you repeat it again and again and again), cause it will come true.

Aihh... the good old sweet days.  I was so used to being with a group of people, wherever, whenever. Even if I feel lost, I am lost with this bunch of good... comrades?

It was the loveliest feeling.

As I grew older, I think it happened almost naturally too, the comfort cushion, that usually protects me from any harm, or pain, thinning. Nowadays, I experience the blow, harder than usual. And harder each time too. It toughens me in some way, also breaks me in some way. This is when my dad would say, "That's Life."

Haha right.

People move on with their life, no doubt about it. Some choose not to. But secretly, they actually do, just that their heart is playing tricks on them. So they can be called human. :)

I have been trying to catch up with reality, almost three weeks now, and still struggling – with work, with relationships, with energy, with muscle aches, with confidence. Oh my, this time the blow is harder than usual! I hope it'll only get better!

(Thanks to dearest friends who NEVER think that I just talk alot of crap. Haha)

 I mean the handwriting.

 p.s. yes, yes, pictures and videos coming up on FB!